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| I am constantly thinking about the parts of myself that I do not like. A good friend of mine said that he thought that I was always going through and identity crisis. I think that this is in some ways one of the things that I like about myself. If I think of myself as subpar then I am always looking to improve. I will never stagnate. Then again this also leads to a large amount of dissatisfaction. I am unhappy with the way that I am. Also sinceI rarely actually change who I am I really just focus on the negative and end up dissatisfied.
I am never really sure what this all means. I guess I can never really be happy. Either I try to be happy where I am and end up unhappy with the parts of myself or I am unhappy about parts of myself and try to change. In the end it is a pretty similar outcome. If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always gotten. I will just give it over to some one who can help. | | |
| Yesterday was a pretty good day. First I told the feds that they owe me a pretty penny, and I am pretty sure that they are going to pay it. A good start to the day. Then I got pretty much nothing accomplished. Then I went to Denver to see a friend of mine.
She and I were on the same team in Vietnam. I was surprised with how well we were able to connect with each other after so much time. We actually were able to talk about pretty much everything. After like 4.5 hours of talking I do not think that we ran out of things to talk about. But we did run out of time. over all one of the best experiences of Colorado.
Now I am in Colorado Springs and I have discovered that I pretty much always have to much work to do. I have a paper that I need to write. It is due by Tuesday night. I think I can write it but it will be close. It might have helped if I had started before now, but I didn't. I thought really hard about it yesterday. At least I got my taxes done.
Also my phone is broken. I dropped it for the last time this morning. I am not sure how I am going to get a new one. I also broke my laptop. I was trying to delete a program and I think I got a little carried away with deleting stuff. I am very sure I can fix it when I get the right CD around me.
I think I am sick. I think I have been sick for the last few days. I am not happy with this seeing as to how I need to drive to Dallas and write 3000 words in the next few days. Oh well this is my life, I guess.
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| First I would like to thank Kristen, the Monarch Ski Area lif attendant, for giving me sun screen on Saturday. I did not bring any and it saved my face a good bit of burning. Second I just want everybody to know that I have already flown today. And that I am about to fly again. I am enoying flying more than I am dredding it right now. It is a lot of fun and a lot of work. I pretty much almost kill myself in one way or another every flight. But fear not, because the Instructor Pilot (IP) wants to keep him alive and I go along for the ride. | | |
| I have started to fly everyday now in IFS. Yesterday I double turned. It was really tiring flying twice in one day. Also this week we have been starting our days off at 0540, which means I get up at about 0500. It is a real drain on the day just starting that early. I am starting to get rather frusterated with myself. I feal like I am never doing good enough when I fly. It is really hard to stay on top of everything that goes on in the cockpit. Then when I get back down on the ground I feel a horrible combination of tired, busy overwhelmed, frusterated, dedicated, bored, and hopeless. I try to break through my emotions and get down to work but it is often hard because I a tired. I have to admit that right now flying is every bit as frusterateing as it is enjoyable. I get in the aircraft and I feel that I am already behind and that I need to work on everything. Then I am faced with the realization that this is what I want to be doing with the rest of my life. I am determined to not quite because if nothing else this is a once in life time oppurtunity that I do not want to give up with out a lot of consideration. | | |
| It occured to me that many of the events of life go unrembered. That everyday there are things that we do. They seem important at the time. They are the things we fill our life with.
Some of them we woudl not go with out, but still do not remember. I am glad that I have eaten every meal that I have, because if not I might not be alive to day. However I do not bother to remember them. I could not tell you what I ate for lunch with out a lot of thought and anything more than a few days ago has to be special occasion to even remmber the meal at all. Today, I really have not done very much note worthy. I should have been studying. I was ASDO for my flight. I befried the F-22 to the flight. I am not sure that the flight cared. I think the F-22 is the best thing since flight. I am really impressed. I was inspired to start writting Xanga again after I discovered that a certain friend of mine had not stopped writting hers since she got it. | | |
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